Held: Redefining Postpartum
HannaHill Photography
From Holding it All to Being Held
Most postpartum planning focuses on logistics.
Freezer meals.
Visitors.
Shift schedules.
But what if the real preparation begins somewhere deeper? Not with a checklist and a master schedule (although helpful), but rather it begins within — it begins with you, your beliefs and nervous system at the center.
It begins with your willingness to meet yourself and to hold yourself. To slow down long enough to ask: What do I need? What do I want? What do I desire?
Many women move toward their birth with a fully formed birth plan, having taken the child birth classes or listened to all the hypnobirthing meditations, found the most amazing doula and you feel set for birth.
You have planned and prepared for your baby’s arrival with a decked-out nursery (no judgment), a wardrobe full of the cutest clothes, with stuffies and toys awaiting them.The excitement of your new baby is receiving your love, care, and attention all before they even arrive.
Meanwhile postpartum is an afterthought. Not much time, thought or investment has gone into this sacred portal. Likely you have your peri bottle, a few nursing-friendly clothes, nipple pads and cream (just in case), and your lovely postpartum disposable underwear.
Even this is a reflection of your inner structure. You’ve prepared for your birth and your baby and prepared for survival for postpartum.
Holding Yourself
Where are your baskets of love sprinkled around the home, reminding you that you are worthy and loved? Baskets full of your favorite snack or treat, a hydrating lip gloss, your favorite tea as a gentle nudge to enjoy, a new trinket that will brighten your day (maybe this is a new coffee cup, or pens, or a face mask), along with notes of affirmation reminding you that you are enough, that you can do hard things, that showing up — imperfect and messy — is still showing up and you are doing it. I have a list of postpartum affirmations for you to print or write out.
Holding yourself first means recognizing your limits, needs, desires, and wants — all without shame. It means honoring your body without apology or explanation and allowing your desires to matter simply because you know that YOU matter.
If holding yourself feels unfamiliar, hard, or even wrong — you are not alone. You were shaped inside a system that taught you your needs were too much or inconvenient. That your desires were selfish or dirty. That your wants were indulgent and audacious. You were taught to make yourself small so others could remain comfortable. You were trained to self-abandon to keep others comfortable. That conditioning and belief system runs deep. Of course it feels unnatural to center yourself. Of course it feels risky to admit and even name what you want, need, and desire. Let alone have limits, because being limitless allowed others to operate with less responsibility — because you were/are the default and can handle it and take care of it. Yet this time, going into postpartum, you don't want to handle it all. You don't want to manage everything and everyone else either. You don't want to be handled or managed either. You want to feel supported without having to orchestrate it. You want space to soften and slow down. You want deep rest for full recovery. You want to learn your baby without being pulled in a million directions. You want to be cared for in ways that nourish you. You want to move through postpartum feeling connected - not depleted. You know you want it to be different - you know it HAS to be done differently.
When you can name what you need, you create something solid inside yourself. You become anchored and assured. You are less frazzled and reactive. You bring clarity and clean communication, allowing others to know rather than guess. It gives others the opportunity to meet you - leaving them guessing leaves everyone running wild, frustrated, and nobody being supported. It creates chaos and confusion in the relationship. I heard in a podcast from Brené Brown that you can trust someone who can take care of themselves - let's begin to trust ourselves to hold ourselves.
Held By Others
From that anchored place of self trust you allow being held by others to become possible. Support is no longer vague or performative; it becomes specific and relational. You can say, “I need you to handle dinner,” or “I need thirty minutes alone,” or “I need you to sit with me while I cry.” Postpartum holding is not about being rescued — it is about being met. And you can only be met as clearly as you know yourself. When a mother knows and names her needs, she doesn’t collapse; she creates.
When you hold yourself first, you stop outsourcing your stability to whether others “get it.” You are no longer waiting to be noticed, taken care of or rescued. You become an active participant in your own care.
Being held is not passive — it is a practice of self-trust. It is the steady return to your body, your limits, your desires. And from that place, postpartum is built on thriving and truth, not survival.
This is a practice coming into a loving relationship with what is true for you, your body, and desires.
And if you get stuck coming into a relationship with your desires, like maybe it feels tangled with an old truth that no longer resonates with you - here is how I look at desires…
Desires are simply data - data allows you to make aligned decisions.
If you are unsure where to begin, start with a daily happy list with one limit. Name five achievable wants, needs that bring you joy, comfort, or ease. This could look like a hot shower alone. A walk or some quiet time outside. A phone call with a friend. A cup of hot tea or coffee. Write down whatever it is that feels good to you. Each day, choose to allow yourself to have these desires and wants met. A limit could be I only do one thing for the house, I stay home today, I order dinner or ask my partner to cook. This simple practice trains your nervous system to notice both limits and desire and respond to it. It teaches you that your wants are not indulgent and your limits are loving not limiting. It is simply data that allows for decisions to be made.
If you’re expecting and want to enter postpartum already knowing your needs — and build structures to support them — Holistic Postpartum Planning is where we walk through my 6 pillars to a connected and cared for postpartum. Together, we name what matters, uncover what blocks you from receiving, and map the support that will hold you. Check out my website for a free postpartum affirmation list and a gentle meditation to tap into your desires.
Sending you so much love!
Kristen
Kristen Carroll is a mother of three and the founder of Revīv Motherhood. She believes postpartum was never meant to be survived alone — it was meant to be held. Through Holistic Postpartum Planning and deeply nourishing meals, she helps mothers center themselves in their needs, reconnect to their intrinsic knowing, and build support that feels steady and reciprocal. Her work blends practical care with emotional and spiritual grounding, honoring the sacredness of creating life while ensuring the mother herself is cared for and connected.