The Hidden cost of birth work: The search for balance
Work/Life balance as a birthworker is a challenge!
I’ve been thinking about writing this blog for a while. The truth is, it never felt like the right time or that I could properly articulate the complexity of birth work and the toll it can take mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually on the space holders.
When I began this work over a decade ago, no one told me of its hidden costs or how important boundaries would be. That there would be missed holidays, Birthdays, gatherings with family and friends. No one explained what it meant to be oncall and how important it would be to take time off, to set your calendar a year in advance; or how hard it would be as a business owner to stick to that time off and trust the ebb and flow of clients during slow seasons. I didn’t know or recognize that pouring myself into my clients would only get me so far, and how I needed to value myself and my own needs, taking care of myself so I could better show up for others. No one talked about the losses and the second hand trauma and how important it would be to have a therapist and other birth workers to process with and lean on. No one talked about the extremely physical aspects of the work and how important regular bodywork would become to my rhythm.
The hard truth is, there are seasons to this work…this amazing, challenging & and beautiful work. Aside from being a mom, this work has demanded more of me than anything else I have ever done. Within it, I have found endless opportunity for self growth and connection.
I’m writing this now for all those birthworkers out there who are just starting out or are hitting their capacity. Burnout is real and going into this work with your eyes wide open will help create a strong foundation for the years to come. So, I want to give you some helpful strategies as you move forward with this work because the birth world needs you more than ever.
BUILD A STRONG FOUNDATION:
CONNECTION
Before you even take that training, start exploring your area for potential connections with other perinatal professionals. These relationships, when they are tended, aligned & reciprocal will lead to mutual referrals and authentic support. You can add to this list based on your personal niche and research.
Birth Centers
Prenatal yoga teachers
Pelvic floor PT
Chiropractors
Massage therapists
Herbalists
Mental health professionals
Birth & Postpartum doulas
Childbirth Educators
FIND A DOULA MENTOR
Having a trusted guide is absolutely invaluable as you navigate this work. This can be one of the most difficult professions and you will be happy if you do this early on. Doula coaching and mentorship is a rapidly growing field, and with good reason! As you explore your options, you’ll find mentors who offer very specific services based on their area of expertise. Consider the niche you want to serve and what specific things would best support your work. You will find a variety of price points and specialties. You will know the person who resonates with you, whether you find them locally or online. Some options that may be offered may include the following, but this is not an extensive list.
Business coaching for doulas
Website design & marketing
Authentic connection & relationship building
Virtual support
Month long to yearlong mentorships
1:1 coaching vs group coaching
Shadowing vs virtual support via text/phone
Holistic Coaching explores and digs deeper into your internal beliefs and can look at both personal growth and professional development
Tackling practical aspects of resources, handouts, & working with clients
Niche services that explore alternative modalities you may like to bring to your offerings.
CREATE COMMUNITY
One of the fastest ways to grow your business is to align with other like minded doulas. This is also about creating support for debriefing births and sharing experiences. Here are a few examples.
Join an existing doula collective
Create a doula collective with other doulas who are at a similar place in their business (in person trainings are a great place to start making connections)
Join online groups/forums for doulas in your area
Start with an agency to build confidence and meet other local doulas
Join a volunteer doula program
Create a local doula meetup
SELF CARE
This is a big one. If self care is a challenge for you, you need to change that now. We all know the saying about putting “your oxygen mask on first” and “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. If you are a compassionate and caring doula, boundaries will be one of your first lessons in self care. You’ll want to be clear with yourself first and foremost about when you are willing to be on call and what days are not negotiable, how far you will travel, who you will take for clients, how long you will stay at a birth, where you are comfortable attending deliveries. These are really just a sampling of some ideas on how to tend to yourself as a birthworker and we could really dive in much deeper.
Have a trusted colleague and/or therapist you can speak with about challenging circumstances with a client or how you are handling the intersection of work/life
Have a backup doula be available to call or text during a long or challenging birth
Create simple rituals for after a birth (ideas would be epsom salt bath, yummy meal, a debrief with a trusted doula/mentor)
Talk to other doulas about how they navigate life on call and partner relationships
Stay hydrated and well nourished (especially at births)
Get bodywork!
Maintain friendships outside of birthwork.
Know your capacity and when to say no!
Two of the biggest personal lessons i’ve learned after over a decade in birth work is that self care and boundaries are so important. I wish I knew how hard this work would be on my body over time and the toll it would take. I had so many wonderful folks support me along the way and now I want to be that for others.
Let’s explore and build a new kind of birth community that values supporting spaces that foster mutual support of those who have given and continue to offer their time and lives in a way that is creative and lifegiving. Let us find new ways to move forward with boundaries that values the sacrifices birthworkers have made for generations. Let us value ourselves and those we serve by forging new and sustainable pathways. This is how we can honor the work we do and find a new sense of community in birthwork. There is still work to do. If you’d like to hear more about how you can support the sustainability of your work, I’d love to hear more about your hopes and dreams for your business and what drives your passion for this work.